Heal me, Adonai, and I shall be healed; save me, and I shall be saved, for You are my praise. (Jer. 17:14)

Sunday, 02 January 2011

  • Who is to say what is "real"?

    You may think it strange of me to say that, to me, online relationships are real. I say this because time and time again, I get the attitude from people that just because you  haven't met someone face-to-face, it isn't a "real" friendship.

    There are times when I really get along well with someone online, but when we try to bring it to the next level on the phone, we have difficulty holding a conversation. I consider those acquaintances.

    Have you ever met a friend online that you instantly connect with? And when you talk to them on the phone, it's as if you've known each other all of your lives? And you only get closer?

    That's how it is with Tracy (name changed) and me. She is 30, young enough to be my daughter, yet we "feel" more like sisters. We not only understand and communicate with each other on the same level, we love each other's kids and I even converse with ease with her husband on the phone (a rarity for me). Her eldest son is 7 months older than Dani and a high functioning autistic also. They are best friends. 

    Here's the tragedy of it: Tracy is gravely ill. In her first marriage, she suffered a beating so severe (by her ex) that a part of her brain has been damaged beyond repair. Last year, she had a stroke and since then her health has been rapidly deteriorating. In short, her brain is dying. And so is she.

    Tracy has asked me to attend her funeral - and raise her son after she dies. Michael, who was borne from her first marriage, cannot go to his father when she passes because his father molested him and is not allowed near him. The children are going through grief counseling, but Michael is not dealing well with the reality of his mother's demise.

    It is a miracle to me that this woman loves and trusts me enough to ask me to raise her son. It equally amazes me that I love them enough to consider it. Who is to say that our connection is not real?

    Please pray with me, not only for this tragic young family but to make what I feel could be the most serious decision of my life.

    UPDATE: Dani and I are going to FL to visit Tracy and her family at the end of April (2011). I hope the visit goes well.

Friday, 24 December 2010

  • I lead a double life.

    Many people do lie about themselves online. Let's face it; you can be anyone you want, right? You can use that for evil, or things that seem pretty harmless (like not confessing to everyone that you've gained 50 lbs. since the divorce). But I have a dilemma that has been bothering me for a while now ... 

    About four years ago (yep, around the time of my divorce) I joined a site for fans of my favorite actor. Since I love to chat, I spent most of my time in the chat room, where I met some wonderful (and not-so-nice) ladies. I am still online friends with a number of them, even though I'm no longer on that site. 

    The Dilemma.

    When I joined the site, I uploaded an avatar of myself. It was just a head shot and it was a few years old, but at the time it was the most recent photo I had of myself. Because of my heritage, I have been blessed with the fact that I look younger than my true age. So when I was honest about my age and told these women I had eight children, they would not believe me. I tried numerous times to convince them that I was (at the time) 48 and had eight kids, but due to my humorous nature, they could not be convinced I was telling the truth.

    So I left it alone; I let them think I was 38 and just talked about my three youngest girls at home.

    But it bothered me then and it still does. Particularly in the case of one woman, to whom I have become quite close. I try to tell her but I stop myself every time because she's the type of person who would believe that nothing I have said in the past four years is true. I have never outwardly lied to her, but I admit I kept up the deception because I didn't want to lose her friendship.

    Should I tell her anyway? Does it really matter because this is "just" an online friendship and since she lives in Canada, we may never meet face-to-face? Any opinion would be welcome and please do not think less of me. I am honest; sometimes painfully, bluntly so ...  

Tuesday, 30 November 2010

  • Busy, Busy, Busy.

    Hi Everyone.

    The title is kind of self-explanatory, isn't it? winky Finals are the second week of December and I spend most of my "free" (ha ha) time studying. It's not just the grades; I really want to learn - and learn well.

    Dani turned 9 a few weeks ago. She is so much improved. She bakes cakes, does chores, researches things on the Internet and has taught herself how to animate and upload videos. She's nearly the same height I am (4'10).

    Nila is about to celebrate her first anniversary with Adam, her boyfriend. After she finishes high school, she wants to go to a trade school for a few years (auto mechanics!) and then college to become a mental health counselor. 

    We live very simply now; I'm still unemployed and money is scarce. But G-D has been carrying us and even allowed us to find a halfway decent computer for $60. We have no cable, no cell phones and no extras but we have been healthy, have a roof over our heads and food to eat. We also have hope for the future and (best of all) we have Christ to see us through.

    More later. xoxo

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

  • Can You Believe It??

    I'm here. I think ... I'm back. I never could walk away from Xanga - not entirely. I know I've only posted a few times in the last year, but if it's any consolation, I haven't been much online. Yes, me. What brought me back? Aside from the fact that I actually feel like writing again, it's because there have been a lot of changes in my life.

    The biggest one being that, at 52, I have become a full-time college student.

    I thought that might get your attention. A bit.

    More changes: Tori has turned 18 ... and is pregnant with her first child. Nila will be 17 in a few months ... and has her first serious boyfriend. And Dani, who was first presented here as a 16-month-old will soon be nine years old, has made some personal leaps and bounds ... and already has a figure.

    Please stay tuned.

Tuesday, 30 March 2010

  • Hello everyone (or anyone who actually still reads my blog). I am beginning a new blog on wordpress; it's kind of a "best of" as so far I have been transferring my favorite entries from Xanga to Wordpress. You can take a look if you like.

    I'm also still on Facebook; that's where I go for recreation.

Thursday, 05 November 2009

Thursday, 08 October 2009

  • My brother...


    ... was discharged from the hospital today. He has to go to dialysis twice a week; they don't know if it's permanent yet but the docs think his renal failure was caused by the infection and have hopes that when the infection is gone, Geoff's kidneys will work again.

    Thank you and bless your name, Adonai Elohim, whatever the outcome. G-D is good.

Wednesday, 30 September 2009

  • Currently
    Breaking Free: Discover the Victory of Total Surrender
    By Beth Moore
    see related

    Romans 6


    "Therefore, do not let sin rule in your mortal bodies; so that it makes you obey its desires; and do not offer any part of yourselves to sin as an instrument of wickedness. On the contrary, offer yourselves to G-d as people alive from the dead, and your various parts to G-d as instruments of righteousness... Don't you know that if you present yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, then, of the one whom you are obeying, you are slaves - whether of sin, which leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to being made righteous?" (Rom. 6:12-13, 16)

    Having discussions with my girls about idol worship and how, more often, the Enemy uses subtle means to enslave us instead of a full-on attack. It's a discussion that bears repeating for all of us - but it seems to come up a lot with teenagers. =)

    No news about my brothers condition yet.

    One day closer to harpazo ...

Sandcastles

  • Visit Sandcastles's Xanga Site
    • Name: Alyx
    • Location:
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 11/10/2003

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